A little Christian humor…

This is one of the best clean jokes I've seen in awhile!

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.'

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the k keyboards and typed away.

They faxed.

They e-mailed.

They e-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports.

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than
hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:

'It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went
out!'

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.

Satan observed this and became irate.

'Wait!' he screamed. 'That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?'

God just shrugged and said,

JESUS SAVES

=

A good friend of mine sent this via email.

Blessings to all!
CJ

Great Thoughts!

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

2. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

4. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

5. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

7. Believe in love at first sight.

8. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

11. Don't judge people by their relatives.

12. Talk slowly but think quickly.

13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

15. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

16. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

17. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.

18. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

19. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

20. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

21. Spend some time alone.

Blessings to all,

CJ

Graduation

A young man was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.

As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his graduation, his father called him into his private study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautiful wrapped gift box. Curious, but somewhat Disappointed, the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible, with the young man's name embossed in gold. Angrily, he raised his voice to his father and said, 'With all your money you give me a Bible and stormed out of the
house, leaving the Bible.

Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him since that graduation day.

Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately and take care of things.

When he arrived at his father's house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search through his father's important papers and saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. His father had carefully underlined a verse,

Matt 7:11, 'And if ye, being evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your Heavenly father which is in heaven, give to those who ask Him?'

As he read those words, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible. It had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words...PAID IN FULL. How many times do we miss God's blessings because they are not packaged as we expected?

==

A friend of mine sent this via email. I just had to post it.

Blessings to all,

CJ

A few questions

1. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

2. Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is no money in the account?

3. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

4. Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

5. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

6. Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

7. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

8. Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

9. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

10. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

11. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

12. Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?

13. How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

14. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manages to knock something else over?

15. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

16. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

17. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try it like your wife told you to do it?

18. And my FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.

Blessings to all,

CJ

The origin of www.cejj.blogspot.com

I started blogging around mid year 2005. I went to a few different websites before arriving to a site called yahoo 360. Similar to the “my-space” site; it’s just one huge place to date in the cyber world. None the less I joined the yahoo 360 cyber world. Once I joined I placed a picture of myself on the main page, then provided a little about myself as a man of God. Because many people present themselves as men or women of God on these sites, true Christians aren’t taken seriously. Many of the problems originate from the people presenting themselves as Christians. For the most part… in the cyber world you can hide behind the Christian shield for a hot moment, but the true person always surface.

The invite:
Once you are a member of these sites others can view your webpage if you allow them. Most people start out with public access, meaning everyone can view and make comments on their page. Within minutes of me opening my page the invites started… nothing but women sending me invites to be their friend. I always allowed people to connect with me as a cyber friend. My blogs were a bit different from what they were accustomed too. You see… I presented the Word of God from the start… I know who I am and who’s I am. In all the time spent in this cyber world, I always presented God. I had around fifty women connected to me as friends; a few men of God connected with me because our writings were similar.

The lack of communication:
Because I used every effort to present God, only a few women communicated with me on regular basics. Many of them started out with phases like… praise God, He is worthy, let’s just lift Him up… but this was only a momentary exhortation. The real person soon surfaced. Many of them desired to get to know me better as they put it… to have me call them; meet with them, and many other avenues of approach. I held firm to my position as a sold out man of God. I remember one lady in particular… we will call her sister “Up and Down.” This sister brought much drama to the table… she would say things like, you can’t be that saved, you’re playing a game, I know you like me, so just drop the act and call me. I would continue to operate business as usual, but she would always place a few bad comments on my page. I am one who believes in allowing people to speak their minds, this time was no different. Others would email me on the side and say why don’t you just delete her from your page or delete her comments? I said no, she is entitled to her own comments. My belief is if your name is attached to the comment, and you’re comfortable with them, then I’m ok with them. I never deleted anything! To make a long story short, I informed her that I was leaving yahoo 360 to allow her the cyber space. This sister almost lost it! She began to apologize for her actions, she even said it will be hard for her to continue without my blog comments; I informed her that she had x-amount of days to retrieve them, but my season on yahoo 360 has expired. Everything in this life happens for a reason…

The birth of “Wisdom from the man”

In my obedience to God He provided to me many thoughts, and that wasn’t all… He also allowed the arrival of “blogspot” to cross my path. Upon this combination of Words from God, and a place to store them, soon www.cejj.blogspot.com was born. You see… in order to get the Word out to others, I must live the Word. Revelation 12:11 and they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony…

I believe God has allowed me this season in order to be fruitful so that we can multiply. Many are talking the Christian talk, but few are walking it. When God drop a thought, a message or anything that will change a life for the good, I’m logging it on my page. I am who I say I am… If you don’t know me… watch my life… then you will see.

Blessings to all!
CJ

Something not to laugh about

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary

Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart: I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important?

I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is either, and I do not care at all about Tom Cruise's wife.

Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are.

If this is what it means to be no longer young. It's not so bad.

Next confession:
I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don' t feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution, and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?

I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too.

But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this Happen?" (regarding Katrina)

Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives.

And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"

In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.

Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about and we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.

Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about Love and hugs.

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Something to think about…
Blessings to all!
CJ